Carrot Cake Good. Icing Better

I'm returning to writing what my blog is supposed to be about -- my life as a single person.

For about a year I have subscribed to a free dating website called "Plenty of Fish." I had received inquiries from some men, but none had panned out.

Until 10 days ago.

Actually, this gentleman, whom I will call "S," first wrote several months ago. He is a 53-year-old divorced man who lives in Oakley, Contra Costa County. I liked his photo and what he wrote about himself in his profile. And he wrote me first.

We had been corresponding via e-mail through the website until he told me what he did for a living. He sells tobacco products. He doesn't smoke or chew tobacco. He just sells the stuff.

I came to a halt. I'm not a big fan of tobacco because my mother, who smoked for 52 years, died of lung cancer when she was 64. Moreover, I believe I contracted asthma as a result of my being exposed to secondhand smoke. So, I told S that his occupation bothered me and why it did. He stopped writing. I regretted saying what I did and missed his e-mails. But I had resigned myself to being single.

Then, out of the blue, he sends me an e-mail 10 days ago asking if I remembered him. I responded that I did and that I regretted sharing my concerns about his occupation. So, he asked if we could try again. I agreed.

We're meeting tomorrow (Sunday) at a burger joint in Rio Vista after I leave church. Oh, he doesn't attend church but said he doesn't "hold it against me" that I do.

The sentiment would be OK if it weren't for the fact that my faith may be what sabotages any chance of a relationship. The Bible teaches that Christians should not be "unequally yoked" with those who don't believe in God and Jesus Christ. While I don't expect him to be a Christian, I expect any man I date to respect my faith and values. If he doesn't, I have to move on.

I'm no goody two-shoes, far from it. My life was complicated before I recommitted myself to Christ. I'm struggling, but I want to keep my life on this path.

The other concern I have is that I'm at a good place in my life. I have my own home, two cats I love, a wonderful family of my father, stepmother, siblings, nieces and nephews, great-nephews and great-nieces, and a large network of relatives, my friends, and my church family. I have a good job that pays well and great, witty coworkers. And I'm steady in my faith. In other words, my life could be compared to a delicious carrot cake made by my sister T1. In addition to flour and sugar, there are carrots, pineapple chunks, walnuts, vanilla, and other ingredients. I don't have my cream cheese frosting, yet. But that's OK.

A loving, committed relationship with a man would be that icing. But I don't want a man with issues that I can't handle. Once I dated a bipolar man who cheated on me with another woman and got her pregnant. Another man who teaches high school has problems with alcohol. In other words, I seem to draw what a friend calls "men with negative issues." Having a man with bad issues in my life would be like having old sour cream on my cake -- not a good thing. Yuck!

I can live without having a man in my life. But it would be icing. So, I'm taking a chance when I meet S tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, that's OK. I'm going to a Cinco de Mayo dance next Saturday night. I'm working on my books and my family history. I'm meeting with friends and family. I have a wonderful cake. But I wouldn't mind some cream cheese frosting.

Writing Diva