This past Saturday I attended a New Life Church singles potluck hosted at the home of one of the church members. There were 15 people there, including four men and a 4-year-old boy. With lots of food, two rousing rounds of "Guesstures," (a game based on "Charades" using word cards) and a long walk, I had a very good time.
Early in the evening, we discussed older women dating younger men. One of the women there said she knew a man 15 years her junior who is interested in her. (The topic resonated with me because I have a flirtation with a male work colleague who is 17 years my junior.) Then we discussed the term "cougar" -- not the mountain lion, but a single women who dates younger men. I asked, "Why are older women who date younger men called 'cougars'?"
One of the men at the potluck made the gesture of a puma about to pounce.
"But I didn't ask him out, he asked me out," the woman I spoke to protested.
Some of us females there didn't like the term. According to a July 14, 2008, article in the Contra Costa Times, the term, which germinated in the bars of Vancouver, B.C. in 2001, originally referred to a woman in her early 40s pursuing a man in his late 20s, but has come to define any women in a romance with a younger man. And, by definition, cougars are stalk-and-ambush predators.
Why is it that older women dating younger men are called cougars, but older men dating younger women aren't? After all, aren't the older men the ones who ask out the women?
So what are the older men called? "Dirty old men"? "Coots"? "Lechers"?
I think such derogatory labels should be abolished. As long as we're two single adults who like each other and want to get to know each other (Note that I wrote adults.), why should we have labels? OK, maybe one label -- happy.
Writing Diva
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2 comments:
Dearest writing Diva,
...you look great in that photo, and as the term "cougar" I do not pay attention to what people want to call it or not call the relationship between a woman who is 15+ older than her mate as long as you are having a good time who cares what people to call it. On the other hand, make sure that you and your mate call it LOVE. AN OLD COUGAR
Dearest writing Diva,
...you look great in that photo, and as the term "cougar" I do not pay attention to what people want to call it or not call the relationship between a woman who is 15+ older than her mate as long as you are having a good time who cares what people to call it. On the other hand, make sure that you and your mate call it LOVE. OLD COUGAR
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