A Mother's Gifts

This entry offers no suggestions for what to get your mom for Mother's Day. (If you haven't bought anything yet, why are you reading this entry? Get out there and find something!) Today I'm writing about gifts that a mother leaves her children after she leaves this world.

My mom passed away almost 13 years ago. I can safely say it was the saddest day of my siblings' and my life. For a while none of us wanted to celebrate Mother's Day after her death. After all, what was the point? Mom wasn't with us anymore.

Then my sisters launched a new tradition. My sisters and I go to the cemetery to put flowers on Mom's "eternal condo" and on the graves of our maternal aunts and maternal grandmother. Then we go out to brunch to catch up on each other's lives and remember Mom and our departed relatives.

In the years after Mom's passing, I realized that she hasn't really gone away. She left each of us sisters with a "gift" -- Mom's characteristics revealed in each child.

My older sister T1 loves children, just as Mom did. T1 also has a generous heart and is the one who most frequently contacts our relatives, especially Mom's side of the family. And, despite her earlier protestations, she inhered Mom's cooking gene. She loves to cook, and she prepares great dishes and a carrot cake that reminds me of Mom's. (Who knew?) But don't mess with T1. She packs a punch!

T2, my younger sister, inherited Mom's eyes and no-nonsense way of taking care of business. Friends and family have learned the hard way not to tell her about their problems. She refuses to be a sounding board; she wants to be the solution. I remember in Mom's final days she was hospitalized and not getting the attention we believed she deserved. T2 got on the phone to Kaiser's doctors and told them that she had no qualms about going to court to make sure Mom was taken care of. One messes with T2 at one's own risk.

However, T2 has a soft side, too. She is a loving wife to her husband J and is a nurturing mother figure to her nephews and nieces. She and her husband want to adopt a child or two. I think she would make a great mother, the way Mom was.

The sister I think channels Mom most, though, is D. She also inherited Mom's eyes and nose and is serious. But D has a silly side, too. She can pinch you surreptitiously and then say, "What?" Both D and Mom have a mischievous side.

D is also sensitive like Mom and doesn't take a lot of crap. Also like Mom, D rarely cries in public. D is good with money, fastidious with clothes and neat in housework, and is the most self-sufficient person I know.

As for yours truly, I've been told I look like Mom. I'm highly sensitive. But I don't see as much of a resemblance in characteristics. I'm not as neat as she is, I can barely cook, I'm not that good with children, and I'm shy. I could only hope to be like Mom.

To those of you whose mothers are still with you, wish them a Happy Mother's Day. And for those whose mothers are no longer with them, remember the gifts she gave you. Those memories will make you smile.

Writing Diva